A Boulder on Your Shoulder

You know you have a chip, or boulder, on your shoulder if you are easily angered or have a hard time connecting with people. That chip you're carrying around can color every encounter you have and it's hard to walk through new doorways, if the boulder won't fit through the door. And, it's hard to grab onto something new, if you're carrying the boulder around with you. It's exhausting and frustrating because you feel stuck.

And you might have a big chip on your shoulder if you can't seem to achieve your goals and you can't figure out why. You can't get close, or achieve intimacy because of the boulder. And you can't even see the boulder! You are blind to it! It's heavy and invisible and burdensome yet you keep it close and protect it.

Matthew 7:3 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?


But, for some reason you can spot someone else with a chip on their shoulder a mile away and that person will usually be very unsettling to you. It's like they are a mirror into your own soul and it's very irritating! The path to freedom is letting go of the rock, or, more like, trying to chip away at it. But sometimes you set it down only to turn around and pick it back up. It can be physically, mentally and spiritually exhausting. Especially because you don't even really know it's there.

I prayed a prayer asking God to reveal to me the things in my heart that keep me from connecting with him.

Psalm 26:2 Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;


I found bitterness, pride and resentment there. It was a horrible process, very difficult and often quite depressing. Those were all of my long held reactions to this boulder and they turned into strongholds. The boulder is most usually an event that happened when you were innocent that you couldn't figure out. All you know is one minute you felt safe and the next you were scared and confused. And it seems like you put a lot of time and energy into trying to unravel that scenario. But you can't. In my case it took years and years and years.

But, the best thing I ever did was talk to God about it. He's helping me forgive, forget and move on!

Collosians 3:13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving
each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ...